Friday, May 8, 2015

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom


Om May 10, 1942 my folks were becoming Mr. & Mrs. Charles Burgess:


Chuck and Loie Burgess May 10 1942, their wedding day

They were both just short of their 20th birthdays….I look at this photo and try to imagine how happy they must have been….

Life was not easy for my Mom…she married a man who loved her dearly but could be difficult to be around sometimes.  She never had a bad word to say about him or anyone else.

They had my brother Brad in 1948, after World War II, he was the apple of my folks eye.



When  Brad was 4 years old, my Mom lost a full term daughter.  She was never the same….how she got through it back then when NO one talked about it, and she couldn’t either….I will never know.

Loie Harstad Burgess 1953

In 1954 I came to be….

Sandra Jo Burgess 1

Sandy & Brad044

Nothing like my brother, who was a pretty easy kid, but feisty and hard to manage.  Little was known back then about hyper-active kids.  And boy, was I one of those!  Of course a constant diet of sugar and candy did not help the situation, but I totally understand why she always gave in…I was quiet for a few minutes.

We went through a lot together, my teenage years were tough.  But she was always there…always willing to listen, and being a typical teenager I blew that off way too often. Somehow we got through those years.

One short failed marriage and then in 1979, I married my husband Wayne. Things got on the right track really fast, so we started a family right away and it was wonderful!  The telephone call to my folks to let them know they had a grandson was the best call of my life!

Bryan Burgess McClay as a baby

Bryan Burgess McClay was born Septemeber 3, 1980 and our lives were just perfect!


I had come down from Nevada to have Bryan’s first birthday party with all of his grandparents and family, and when I walked through the door I knew she was in trouble.  My brother came and took her to the hospital, my Dad was already in there.  So she missed the birthday party…six weeks later she died in that hospital, having never left it.  My Dad got out…this is one of my favorite photos of that day, bittersweet as it is:


Wayne eventually got to learn how to put the shoes on the correct feet! Poor Bryan….

The photos of Bryan’s first birthday always make me cry. Someone very important was missing.

She passed away a month after his first birthday. October 3, 1980.

And every year at this time I get really sad, we never got to have that wonderful “friends” doing things together type of time….I see so many blog posts about how through the years a mom and her daughter become friends and their relationship becomes so much richer.

Then I get mad….I was cheated out of so much so young….and it will never be OK…..ever….

The memories I have of my Mom  have started fading a bit, never thought they would….but they are….we really had so few times when I was old enough to really remember them.

But this I know….My Mom, Lois Jane Harstad Burgess, did the best she could….loved me almost too much and was so sorry that she had to leave me….




                                            I love you Mom,




Thinking about sorry that you didn't have much time with your Mom..
Sending hugs...I hope your boys make this Mom's day extra special!

Pam~ Virginia Retro said...

Sandy, such a moving tribute to your Mom. I'm a little sad this year also with my Mom living in assisted living with dementia. I set a table for her anyway. :)

Hope you are back to good health and that your family treats you to a lovely mother's day.

Hugs, Pam

vivian said...

oh sandy. ((((HUGS)))) I am lucky to still have my mother, but my relationship with her is not what I long for. She left us when I was 13. I've gone 10 years at a time without seeing her several times. she didnt come to my wedding or the birth of any of my children and she never met Robert until he was 10 years old.
She lives in florida and luckily travels up here once every year or so, other wise I would never see her. with all of this said, I can say that I know she loves me and she had issues that she needed to be away from us to deal with. I have forgiven her, but the damage is done and Im not so sure its reversible. But I do love her dearly and Im glad I still have her, even if only at a distance.
mothers day is hard for a lot of people for a lot of reasons. buying mothers day cards is always hard for me. they all say "oh thank you for always being there and for all the things youve done and do for me... "blahblah blah! lol! I buy the ones that say wishing you a wonderful mothers day! lol!
oy vey!
well I certainly didnt plan to go here with this! lol! I have vowed to be the best mother and grandmother ever.. I want no space for regrets with my children or grandpies... I will learn from others mistakes.
hmmm.. I suppose I should end this here.
Love you friend and hope you have a great week!

Jenny's Heart said...

Don't live in the lost times Sandy. Cherish the beautiful ones.
Love ya and Happy Mother's Day

Patti said...

Thank you for sharing your heart in this post, Sandy. Life can be so hard sometimes. Perhaps those who go thru deep pain can give back to others when they need it so much. You are one of those people for me. Blessings.

Steven said...

Hugs to you ((((HUGS)))

Tea in the Library said...

Condolences on the loss of your mother. Sometimes life IS hard in ways that can not be fixed. You are a wise woman to know that your mother loved you no matter and make what peace you can with her death. Thank you for sharing from the heart. This is a touching tribute and I'm sure will make everyone who reads it think of their own mom. Angels to you. Susan


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