Wednesday, May 9, 2012

We interrupt this program for…..

Every so often, I just have to lay it out here as to how my life is going….it makes me feel genuine, not fake, not pretend. I know sometime when people get to know the real person behind a blog they leave, not wanting to know the way their life is now and then, I have found nothing but love and support when I have reached  out to you my friends…and so I am reaching  again… 

I am on of the people you know that is always trying to out run the bad feelings….

get busy……do something, read a book, just get busy!

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Well, this is where I have ended up….

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….the same old adages from friends” lovingly given….”“Don’t worry about what you can’t change”…it will get better…. find something to do to take your mind off it…. you have everything you could want, why aren’t you happy?”  “Just change your attitude”….I really love that one….who in their right mind would want to feel this way???

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Such good questions….but sorry, not an answer to one of them…..depression is just like it shows in that one commercial, a cloak that is always trying to cover you, snuff out the light….well….mine caught up and there is just no more anything right now…I am heading to my doctor asap and hope that someone can help….all of the things I love…

laughing-with-friends

My best friends…..my family

 

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Being around the horses…

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My lovely room…

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Reading a good book….

and of course my happy place…..

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I cannot connect to them,  I just can’t reach them. I have been here before, but never quite so afraid of how I feel……when  people talk about a void…a nothingness, most can’t imagine it.  I can imagine it really well, just wish I didn’t.

I know there is much unfinished business in my life that has to be addressed, just anxious on how it comes out at the the end.  Way too much loss, way too much loss….so tired of the loss….

…..so I will be taking a brake to get feeling better….don’t know how long but please don’t forget me….I know I won’t forget any of you!

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33 comments:

hron said...

Sandy, this from someone who has also wandered through some very "dark valleys". You are taking the right steps . . . seek professional help and just keep "holding on". You will, once again, feel joy from things you love and I will be remembering you in my daily prayers. This too shall pass. - Marcia

Sweet Bee Cottage said...

Dear Sandy,

I hope you find healing and joy in the things you love soon. Just take care of yourself and those you love. I look forward to your return when you feel the joy again.

Hugs,
Janelle

Erica of Golden Egg Vintage said...

Oh Sandy- You are so brave! You were able to just put it right out there. I identify so much with everything you said! Right now, blogging is what is helping me the most. But boy do I know when NOTHING will make a bit of difference. I really will be thinking of you, and hoping that each day is a bit better than the one before it.
You Take Care, Erica

Diane Mars said...

Oh you pretty little thing you... I am not sure how long it takes us to figure out all the crazy ups and downs that life dishes out to us each and every day.... I am always trying to figure out just what is to be my path in this crazy wild ride we all call life. I think some of us just have a harder time seeing through the trees then others. So don't be so hard on yourself.. life is very complicated we just have no other way to think but positive no matter what is going on around us. Your new space is wonderful just get in there and do some creating it has away of healing our souls... oxox, Diane

vivian said...

Sandy, depression is most certainly a thief. And not always something we can control.. gets deep under the skin and infects life at the very most basic levels. I hope you find your way back soon to us soon, but more importantly back to yourself soon.
we will miss you here.. but I know you'll back dont give up on crafting for too long.. thats where you create your own sunshine!
you'll be in my prayers...
(((((HUGS))))))
vivian

Sandy said...

Thank you for bringing "Depression" to the blogging community. When it gets bad, we usually just want to hide away. Seeking professional help is a very GOOD thing!

Fran said...

Sandy-- what courage you have, posting so honestly about your depression. I hope that day by day the clouds lift and you can find joy and peace again. Hugs, Fran

Jacqueline said...

Hi Sandy, I understand how frustrating it can be to get all of those cliche comments from people who don't understand your life...who don't walk in your shoes. So I won't give you any advice like that, I will just say that I sincerely hope you can get through this tough time and keep holding on.

Jane said...

Sandy, please take care of yourself - glad you're seeking help - and come back when you can. We'll be here!
xoxo Jane

M.L. @ The House of Whimsy said...

Oh sweet friend. This Post made me so sad. You know what? I'm going in for Bio-Identical Hormone Treatment next month because I read on the Internet that it cured one woman of her MdDS (which I am still suffering from since Oct.!!!)
I wonder if this could be the answer for you, too???
Someone recommended the very best place to go for this. If you're interested, email me.
Take care!! And I mean it! : )
Mary Lou

Holly- Cutie Pie Cottage said...

I Hope you feel better soon, Sandy. I've battled depression all my life. ♥

Perfectly Printed said...

Sandy,
Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. Hoping you feel better soon and so glad to hear you're heading to the doc.

chris

craftyles said...

SAndy, I hope you begin to find your way out and feel hope and joy again soon. We won't forget you. Take care!

Shirley Hatfield said...

May the Lord bless and keep you, Sandy. You have my prayers and good wishes.

Tresa said...

I understand depression well; I struggle too. Medicine has helped me tremendously and I've done the therapy thing with great results. You can do this. The dark cloud overhead will float away and you will feel joy again. I'll still be around when you come back. :)

Tresa

vintage grey said...

Sandy, I will keep you in my prayers!! Take care and I look forward to your return my dear!! Much love and hugs to you!! xo Heather

Antiques Galore Gal said...

Your post touched my heart. Too often depression is swept under the rug, but it is real and it hurts! I hope with your doctor's help you will feel better soon. Life is a journey, just take it one day at a time.

Jenny said...

Oh Sandy, it is a hard place to be. Living in that little lucite bubble where you can see the things you love without being able to connect to them.

I hope your find some answers.

This time in our lives is hard...empty nest, finding much of the stability we thought we have is really quicksand.

Depression is a cycle but it's hard to lift yourself out of.

I hope you find some answers. I wish I had some for you!

Hugs,
Hope,
Prayers.

Andy's Attic said...

Sandy, you are not alone! Seeking professional help is a first step. I am glad you are dong that.
I've been where you are and I know you can find your way back to your life. We will be waiting to hear from you and will miss you!! Take care of YOU!!!
Annette :>)

My Vintage Mending said...

I will be right here...you take as long as you need....many prayers...smiles...Renee

LBP said...

Bless your heart... I hope you find the help you need to get everything sorted out... We will still be here when you get back...Take all the time you need.

Blessings

Linda

Daphne said...

Sandy,
There are many of us who understand where you are right now, as evidenced by the comments left here. I can only echo those thoughts and send love your way. I've been there too and it is frightening and you are doing the right thing in seeking a doctor's help. It will pass, but you are in the thick of it now. I know how that feels but please do try to hold on to the thought that it WILL pass. You may have to work at it but you can do it.
Hug,
Daphne

GARAGE SALE GAL ~ Deb's Earthly Delights said...

Sending a huge HUG to you and prayers...that you will have a great Dr that can help you!
Warmly,
deb

Kim K. said...

Take care of yourself. You have a blogging community who will wait for you. Hugs.

agravette said...

you are so brave to confront how you feel and take the steps to get better...you'll get there, it just takes time and it's an ongoing process...i have lupus and some days can be really crazy because it affects my brain and how it works...i get so down and i feel helpless to fix it...i know that you are a woman of faith and that God will help you through this as He helps me on a daily basis...love you girl and hugs to you! we'll never forget you and all you've done to make our lives brighter and all you're going to keep doing in the future...love you! an internet friend, alisha

Pink Roses and Teacups said...

Oh Sandy, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate to what you are feeling. Glad you are going to the Drs. Sending a big hug, and many prayers to you!

Hugs,
Debbie

Cindy said...

A big Texas hug and squeeze.

Sand know that you will be in my prayers everyday.I will pray for you to find help from the Doctor...to have family and friends understand and help you...and to know that this community will be here waiting and praying for our friend Sandy!!

Take care and we will see you soon.
Hugs Cindy from Rick-Rack and Gingham
You have my email...you know you can call or write...we are never that far apart!!

Short and Sweet said...

Sandy, I was a victim of depression and it is an insidious disease. My whole family suffered because of it and I finally had to do something to save myself as well as them. Going to the doctor is the first step...thank God I was directed to someone who could help me. I'm better now and if you need to talk, just email and I'll give you my phone # here in Chandler so we can "discuss" how you are feeling.
Loretta

Ric Rac and Polka Dots said...

Dear Sandy,
You take as much time as you need. I have had moments of feeling so overwhelmed lately that I felt like just crying. I'm hanging in there, and trying really hard to just do one thing at a time. Of course I can never stop thinking about all the other things I have left to do . . . hate that. I'm going to pray for you. Please take care of yourself and come visit us when you are feeling up to it!
Great big hugs,
Julie

Nan said...

I hope you beat the depression Sandy. Take care and I wish you the best. I have posted about you on my blog, the book you sent me. Nan

A Vintage Chic said...

So sorry, Sandy...you'll get the help you need, I just know it.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, my friend...

Julie

Linda Ruthie said...

Sending my love and prayers that happier days will be here soon for you.
((HUGS!))
Linda

Teresa said...

The new Nintendo, the DSi XL, is released on March 5th. MP4, CD Player, and audio device with 3.5mm jack. Car CD/MP3 Player/Vehicle Video Disk PLayer.

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