Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Golden Years….really?


I am going to switch gears here for a bit…..things are very unsettled in my life right now (still) and I am getting tired of fighting the depression that goes along with it…..I have a daily affirmation that I get from Neale Donald Walsch ( author of the Conversations with God books) and this is one I got two days ago:

“On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know......that any frustration you have is simply the result ofwrong thinking. If you were thinking rightly you could not possibly imagine that anything was going 'wrong.' You would know that nothing in the Universe is working against you. By definition, given Who You Are, this is impossible. Move, then, to gratitude when you encounter your frustrations. And see every event as an Opportunity.”

Opportunity….really????? For what? Pain, fear, anxiety??? My husband and I have been here before when he was just 50 years of age and it was over a year before he found work, now he is older. He gets to the third interview and then nothing. The recruiters tell him he is a shoe in and be by your phone…it never rings. All he can do with major companies is apply online. You are not allowed to hand a resume to anyone anymore!

One of the factors has to be his age, in this country “experience” is interrupted as “too old”. Example: Target will not hire anyone for any management position without a 4 year degree. My husband along with many other men had to go to work, school wasn’t an option. The HR person told him, if he just had that degree, he would be exactly who they were looking for, she didn’t mention a specific degree like business or management just a degree. Really? So what do we do for 10 years before he can retire????? Right now, it looks like we lose everything we’ve worked so hard for! To have it go because he was thrown out of a promising career by someone who didn’t like him???? For one wrong move…one. Good people make bad decisions.


I am sorry, I am so discouraged and so tired of the “God will provide” lines….and the “not in your time but his time” lines…I have been a little upset with God lately , a very dear friend of mine told me I have to get over my anger with God, that I cannot receive the blessings he wants for me if I am closed to him…..really? I guess that is that “free will” thing, huh? I know it isn’t God’s fault, I know that a lot of it is my husband’s….but can God really help???? The anger is incredible and my stomach hurts….my RA is screaming and my doc told me try not to stress….I had to laugh.

As you can see, I am very conflicted at the moment…. OK….I just needed to vent… thank you for listening…


Unknown said...

Hi Sandy,
I am so sorry for all that you and your husband are going through right now. I respect you for being so honest about your feelings on your blog so that those of us who read it can offer our support. We're probably about the same age and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be looking for a job you know you are capable of and face one roadblock after another. Please try to hang on...there are so many people who care about you...even far away ut here in Blogland. I can't relate directly to losing a job but I did lose my sister to cancer recently and can relate about the anger and the doubts that come with a major life loss like you are experiencing. I know it sounds corny but what works for me when I am in a "bad place" like you are right now, is to do two things: talk about it as you are doing through your blog, and do some little random act of kindness for someone else. You will be in my thoughts today and I will check back to see how you're doing.
Cheryl at My Sister's Cottage

GerryART said...

Absolutely no advice from this corner, Sandy.
However, just as Cheryl sez, we, here in blogland care about you and, I, for one keep Good & Positive Thoughts in mind for you.
Just keep on bloggin', we'll listen.
Hugs & ♥♥♥,

Angela said...

It sounds as if you have lost hope. When you can't feel His, please know it is still there. I'm sure these are some of the words you don't want to hear anymore...but they are true.
God bless you.


Hi Sandy,
Venting is good! Vent to God and tell Him you are angry, frustrated and at the end of your rope...LET IT OUT ...

Jennifer Bontrager said...

Wow! Reading your story is like reading one my mom and dad could write right now. My dad has worked at the same company going on 30 yrs. The company was bought out a couple of years ago and they started deliberatly edging out the old timers. They fired my dad 2 weeks before Christmas. He could have retired this coming September. He just found out last week that his union that he has payed dues to for 30 yrs is not going to go to bat for him. He is diligently searching for a job but its hard for him. Its a different ball game than it was 30 yrs ago. He has no degree he isn't computer savvy so its tough for him to even get an application sent out there. And he also has no degree. I understand what you are going through. I have to say that through everything my dad has maintained his faith that God will provide. Hang in there.

sendee said...

Sandy, I don't know you, but I know a lot of people who are feeling the same helpless feelings that you and your husband are feeling. It is so easy to blame God for all that is happening in the world. But it is not God it is the human race. We are ruining everything. It was humans that brought the housing market down, it was humans that sent all the jobs over seas, it is greed!!! In these times when we feel so lost and unsure of anything, the only one we can turn to, the only one we can trust, the only one that truely cares is God. The world lets us down but God never will. I know it is hard, really hard, but you MUST stand firm on HIS promises. There is a season for all things under heaven. The hard time your going through will only last a season and soon things will change and you will be better. Believe it!!!

Nan said...

Well I won't make any comment as you have those I'll just say I'm thinking and caring about what becomes of your family. I do hope things work themselves out for the better and soon.

Anita Kehn said...

My husband lost his job because of company going broke when he was older also so I know what it is like to try to find another one. It is hard. Luckily he found one at school as a grounds keeper for a lot less pay. Turns out to be the best thing that happened to us. He now has a job where they don't care how old you are as long as you get the work done properly. And financially...we're doing better than ever. Don't ask me why. I give God all the credit. We haven't had health problems, etc. that cause expenses so God is taking care of us and allowing us to save money anyway in spite of much lower pay. God DOES know what He is doing. Take courage.

Kathy said...

Dear Sandy, God isn't going to withhold His blessing from you even if you are angry with Him! He will continue to bless you even in your anger. The problem is, anger can grow like poison and keep you from seeing any of the goodness in your life. It's a trap that holds you to all of the hardship and blinds you from seeing any good thing! No wonder you feel depressed and without hope!

Have courage! You have been brave to share your hardship with us on your sweet blog. It allows us to send up prayers and good thoughts for you and your husband. I pray that you feel God's love for you during this very difficult time. He hasn't forgotten you!

Betty said...

I admire your honesty. When I'm reading blogs some of them sound too good to be true. It's almost as if they're trying to convince themselves. Thank you for being so honest.

I was talking to a friend recently. Her daughter has a drug problem and my son has had health problems. We both agreed that it's easy to be a good Christian when things are going great.

You're human and it's OK to get mad. I'm living in Texas today because we got stuck here when the oil bust hit in the 80's and our home dropped too low in value to sell. I've always wanted to go back to Virginia, but as home values went way up every place else, we were stuck here and missed the boom. Now I know why God kept us here all these years. It was so my son could be treated at the number one cancer hospital in the country through their financial aid program that's only available to Texas residents. He did not have insurance, and he needed our help. Now I'm grateful that we're living here and never left. It took me all these years to learn why I was "stuck" in Texas.

Isn't there some expression that goes "after the storm the sun comes out" or words to that effect? I hope your sun comes out soon. Hang in there and don't give up.

Jane said...

Dear Sandy,
Oh, I really feel for you, having been through similar periods of job loss/search here. Very depressing indeed, but try to hang in.

I am not familiar with Neale Donald Walsch but I don't think much of that message you received - sorry! God is big enough to receive your anger and frustration and pain. Find a copy of "Fiddler on the Roof" & watch Tevye's honest conversations with God!

Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, hoping for some good to come your way soon!

Sandy said...

I listened and I heard.

I know the deal...been there done that.

My husband was also "laid off" shall we call it a few years back. We were in a panic! Tried to live off what we had for a year while he looked, then decided we had to pair down and sell our house...which we did. And, moved!

That next year was NOT good...we bought a house to fix up and sell...which we did, by the skin of our teeth.

And, it's amazing that we were still together, it was and ugly time.

Finally he found a job.... it's contracting so can be iffy at times still now.

Just know that others have been where you are and we made it through. YOU WILL TOO!

I know it's hard, but you MUST.
My love and thoughts are with you.


kimberlyncreations said...

Dear Sandy,
My heart goes out to you. I have been through that situation where no one seemed to want to hire me. It is very frustating and depressing.
But here is what I have learned. God has a reason for everything He does.He has your whole life planned out for you. Yes we get angry and frustrated but eventually there will come a day, as Betty said in her comment, that we will realize why these things have happened.
I know you don't want to hear any "let go and let God" stuff right now but sometimes it is a test of faith. We can't hand over our problems to God's hands if we are busy clutching them so tightly in our own.
Sorry, I don't mean to sound so preachy, It's just what I've learned from my own experiences.
I will pray for God to give you the strength you and your husband need to get through this time.

very merry vintage style said...

don't be sorry... that's what we are here for! I know how hard the market is and it is very frustrating that a resume has to go through a software filter before it even (if ever) reaches a live person. One thing i can suggest to you is to reach out to everyone you know. someone who can put your husband's resume into another's hand for reading. An employee referral is good, but a customer referral is even better. If you can find a highly valued customer of a particular company to pass his resume along that's even better.

The Polka Dot Closet said...

Well I don't know if misery loves company, I was laid off 2 years ago from 20 years in pharmaceutical sales.....Devastated. I have a degree and that is not the end all be all, so do many of my laid off friends, it is just a bad time in the economy, no jobs. The crazy thing is I have really found my way, I started a website and put some effort in to a booth I already had. I worked my antiques booth and website like a crazy lady, I put in long days just like when I was working and I am making money, paying my bills, and having the time of my life. I know you are mad at God, I have been too, But I would have never enjoyed what I am today if I had not been punched in the stomach by losing my job. Just throwing out some ideas, you see I thought well, I have to work on something while I am waiting for a new job, and then low and behold, I found my new job, my website and antiques booth. Maybe there is some way to make a little income while you are weeding through the job rejections, you never know. We are all here for you and support you and will follow this journey with you!


Shelley Davis said...

Hi Sandy,

I am sorry to hear you are depressed. But you know something? It's okay to be mad at GOD. HE can take it. HE is there for you always. Even when you don't understand why things are going as they are. This is just a season. The sun will rise. Hang in there.


Laura said...

I'm sorry that you are so down. My husband is also out of work and it is very depressing. He hasn't worked for two years and no one seems to want to hire him. I lost my job as a production aid due to the plant closing. I lost all the benefits that came with the job and found one as a custodian at a school because they do have benefits. I've worked at the school for 5 years and it is a hard job but I have to push myself to go to work everyday. I am in alot of physical pain but I don't blame God for any of this, I blame Satan and all of his followers...because they are the greedy and selfish ones but their day will come. Things will work out just try to be strong and do what you can and ask God for help and he will follow through.

Debbie said...

Oh Sandy...I personally know your pain...I'm now 58 & can't even get an interview here in Ohio. There are laws against age discrimination, but they get around them by saying you're not qualified in one area or another. I just hope you can hang on & get through this...and since I lost my faith years ago...I can't blame you for being angry with God...if God even exists...and want you to know you CAN exist without faith in a higher power. I know I'm in the minority of the people who have commented...but that's the way it is & I'm fine with my beliefs.

E said...

Sandy, I'm sorry that you're so discouraged please know your blogland friends are here for you. You know my story (!) but I don't think I told you that I had to go back to school at 55 to complete a degree, and then relocate to another State for a job... I'm still not at all happy about having to leave my "home", where my family has been for 6 generations. Also, it seems age discrimination is very real. I have several teacher and nurse friends who are feeling very insecure about their jobs; I just want you to know you are not alone. I do think it’s OK to be angry with God and agree with someone in the string above that it’s OK to let Him know. During my battle with cancer someone said to me "turn toward Him when you feel angry because the more real God becomes to you the less discouraged and angry you will feel." I can tell you that cancer tested my faith, but found this advice helpful during the struggle I hope it helps you. E in TN

M.L. @ The House of Whimsy said...

Oh, bless your heart, Sandy. My heart aches as I read this. I wish I had the perfect answer. All we can do is trust and be patient. I get angry sometimes, too, but in the end it never changes a thing.
You'll be in my prayers.
Mary Lou

Anonymous said...

Got any whiskey? ;)

Amy B. said...

Hang in there....Trust, patience and prayer. It's tough. I know. You are being prayed for. It's okay to get angry. But that's not going to help. Take a deep breath....change your focus for a day, go somewhere....a walk maybe and just forget your problems for a while. God knows your troubles. He WILL provide!!! Hang tight!! Know that you are loved.

Becca said...

Over the past few years I have watched many couples struggle as you are now. Adult men and women with so much experience and wisdom, time and time again by passed for someone younger. It simply does not make sense or seem fair. But we are not promised fairness in this broken world. And sometimes God does seem far away. But He is close, He knows, He cares. He will not stop holding you even if you forget to ask Him to. Hold onto Him!

Tamera's Craft Palace said...

Sandy--I feel for you. My husband lost his job in October 2009 after being furloughed for months on and off (enough to not get paid but not enough to get unemployment)
Thankfully, I have a pretty good secure job so we squeaked by.
He had no degree in biomedical engineering but had lot's of equipment specific training, certificates in Engineering design electronic repair and 15 years experience. NO one would talk to him. He'd go on interviews and no degree-no job. He went back to school and took all the computer training our county job service center had.
A year goes by and just when it looked hopeless (our savings were low and unemployment was about to run out) God made a way for him. Yes, it's less money but it's a secure job and there is potential.
I'll be praying for you!

GardenOfDaisies said...

Dear Sandy, I completely understand what you are feeling. We are dealing with the whole husband/unemployment thing here at our house too. It's scary and frustrating and awful. We've got two kids in college! This is not what we pictured for ourselves at this time in our lives. Yet at the same time we have faith that eventually it will all turn out OK. Hang in there sweetie!

Debby said...

So sorry that this is happening. I think our generation really struggles with this. I'm not sure that a degree would help. My husband has all kinds of education and he doesn't have luck with finding another job. He hates his but I am thankful he has one. We took a 60% pay cut when his co. went under. It is so hard and scary. Hopefully something will happen for you. Venting is good. (((((HUGS)))))

Sharon said...

Girl, when I read this I thought I had written it myself. My husband had to close his business and was unemployeed for 9 months. Working 70 hours a week just to keep food on the table .. at 53 I'm wearing thin. I would be so tired from so many hours, then go home and have to put on a happy face b/c he was so depressed with "the job hunt" It's easy for people to say "when the time is right it will be there .. don't give up the faith." But like you said .. you think you have it .. then nothing. They say "ok, we will email you when your start day is" .. then nothing. My husband is 54. YES .. I do think that plays a roll in it. BUT .. I will say this .. we didn't give up and it finally did happen. He's got a great job, close to our house and the money is right with benefits and can finally start a retirement .. lol at our age!. We just had to wait our turn. I do think you have to go through the ups and downs .. sad, angry, depressed etc. It's all part of the process. It will happen. In the meantime .. vent to your friends on here .. so many are going or gone through what you are experiencing and can understand where you are. Here I am saying it now .. but it will happen. And you will be so glad you did .. it will be right!

Unknown said...

Sandy, my friend ~ You do need to have a chat with God, He understands that we are not blaming Him for what goes on in our lives. He knows we need His support & His love & His understanding ... He holds us closely as He knows we willtrust in His constant calm & love.

Emailing you on another issue ~
Love ya!

auntbeth54 said...

I am so sorry you feel this way. This must be horrible for you all. What helped me through a time like this is to "cultivate the attitude of gratitude". In other words, count your blessings literally. Takes your thoughts off your lacks and puts in on your haves. Take a tablet and everyday write down at least one good thing. At least one person to be grateful for what they bring to your life. You will be surprised after a week or two of this. It really does help.

Cheryl said...

ohhhhhhhh man... that sucks. I would suggest eating plenty of chocolate, it tends to sedate most people into a "happy place"

vivian said...

oh crap. I missed this post. I'm so sorry to hear your struggling. I dont have any words of wisdom. and I know your not happy with god right now, but the only thing I have for you is prayer.. which I can and will do. I know sometimes I struggle with what Gods will might be, in fact the thought often scares me, because I know his will and mine are often worlds apart and I certainly dont understand why he allows things to happen, but I always put myself in his hands, because I dont like the alternative.
I hope things get better for you soon. xoxoxoxox

Anonymous said...

All I can add is that we are in the same situation. It makes things difficult to hold relationships together. When you can no longer participate in activities with friends you find out who your true friends are.
The stress is awful for your own health and you need to be able to express frustration and anger.
I have not been open and shared our story online but please know that we understand your pain.
Loyalty to a company used to be a good thing. Now we are told that if you stay in the same job for 5 years you are limiting your desireability. Your skills grow stale. No one care about experience. It is all about $$$.
While they can not ask your age they ask the year you graduated high school. They can not ask if you have children but if you mention family activities with your interests, you don't make the cut. And you have no recourse to ask why you did not make the next step, if you could even find someone to ask.
What frustrates me most is news reports that things are improving. Let's not mention that the new jobs offer no benefits and do not earn enough to even pay a mortgage.
Aren't you glad I am not telling how I really feel? Know that we are pulling for you.

Anonymous said...

When I saw this from Neal Donald Walsch on FaceBook just now I decided to pass it along: Anger is a natural emotion. It is the tool you have which allows you to say, "No, thank you." It does not have to be abusive, and it never has to be damaging to another.

(that's not to say it can't get their attention!)

My Vintage Studio said...

Dear Sandy,
I read your post and the comments you received. I am sorry you and your family are going through some horrible times. I will include you in my prayers. Sending you a hug. Sharon


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