And still my heart hurts…..

 

                   Our last day, a year ago tomorrow……there is still a catch in my throat and tears that burn my eyes…..

There are times I can feel her weight jump up on the bed, circle and lay by my side….. I stay very still and enjoy the touch…..

There are many dogs that have been in my life.  I loved them all one way or another.  Maya was different….I had no idea you could love that hard! 

I found these words on Pinterest and they seemed perfect….by Jim Willis…

   So this is where we part, My Friend,
   and you'll run on, around the bend,
   gone from sight, but not from mind,
   new pleasures there you'll surely find.

   I will go on, I'll find the strength,
   life measures quality, not its length.
   One long embrace before you leave,
   share one last look, before I grieve.

   There are others, that much is true,
   but they be they, and they aren't you.
   And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought,
   will remember well all you've taught.

   Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,
   the fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.
   And as you journey to your final rest,
   take with you this...I loved you best.

Until we meet again Maya….forever loved…..

Life with Fibromyalgia…

 

It has been some time since I have talked bout the chronic pain in my life.  I just need to vent a bit….

When you “wake” up from a night of maybe some sleep…

 

And then through the course if you are lucky to have a decent morning….you attempt to go out and have a life.

 

….and in an short period of time this is your reality…

 

“But you look fine”….I swear if I hear this one more time….. this is what I would like to say….

Fibromyalgia is a bitch, pure and simple.  And all of the positive, affirmative words in the world will not change it, or your reality.  Yes, reality!  Not yours, mine….. I really  want to scream…

 

 

 

I am so damn tired of being ill….and yes, there are things that could make it better, a better diet, for one. And exercise….

And please do not tell me that you had a friend with fibromyalgia and she lost weight and started exercising and she is all better.  I am so sick of hearing that. it just does not happen that way.

So be kind to your friends with auto-immune diseases. And don’t even imagine what their lives are like….you can never comprehend it if you do not suffer with it….but you can be kind and offer them support.

 

I want to ride a horse again, I want to be able to run, clean my house and go grocery shopping without paying for it for two or three days.  Enjoy my friends, without having to worry that I will have to cancel…again.  Take my dog for a nice long walk. Just the simple things in life. What it comes down to, is after 24 years of this pain….