I popped over to my pal Cindy’s blog http://rick-rackandgingham.blogspot.com/ and saw her last post for 2010. I remember my word for 2010 was “DO”. And I am happy to say that I did “do” more than I thought I could, I challenged myself artistically and was pleased and surprised with the outcomes.
My life has had incredible changes as you all know in 2010, and most of them are decisions I would have chosen not to make, but had no choice in the end. I have learned that I need to be able to take care of myself better! Emotionally, physically, and most of all spiritually. My soul is really been crying out and I wasn’t listening!
So….this is my One word for 2011…..
No matter how difficult and hurtful and unrelenting this year will be I must move forward to find…..me! My dear friend calls it my “authentic self”. I told her I feel like the doors have all been shut and I cannot find a window to climb out of or any doorknob to turn to leave this space. Not yet,anyhow. But I do have faith that it is here… for the first time ever, I am not questioning why God has put me here, there is a reason to have to go forward without my partner of 31 years, or finances ( how incredibly hard this is to write down) …..It just hasn’t been revealed yet….so I am going to move forward in every way I can, not to look back too often and cause more pain, but to look forward and see if I can be…my authentic self. I will never be homeless, or hungry or unloved, (Thank you Bryan and Chris for your never ending love and support!) As to the rest of you wonderful people in my life, you know who you are and how appreciated and loved you are! All of the material items in my life may very well go away, and that will be hard! But I guess if they are meant to be gone, then that will be the outcome, and I deal with that then, the prospects have to be positive, the fear that resides in me right now is overwhelming!!!! This fear has to be banished somehow, and replaced with strength and a knowledge that I am going to not only survive this but be renewed! And so I go FORWAD, and I have people that have told me this process can happen one day, one hour, sometimes just one minute at a time…OK….here I am God, let’s do this! :):)
May all of you have a fruitful 2011, whatever way it needs to happen!
(photo courtesy of Cozy Home Chronicles)
I once more want to thank you all for your words, prayers and thoughts. They have keep me lifted up more than you will ever know!